1996 Birthday/Letters/Cards/Notes


Dearest Mahal,

I am not certain if this day this year, has any significance for you; as I am certain if this card from me would would have any significance at all to you. It does to me on both counts.

I sahll always be tahnkful for the day you were born-up to this time; and I shall always treasure all the times we've had together for they were the best years of my life. What we have and what we went through may have brought out the best and the worst in each of us but these are part of the elements that make a rich life.

I do not believe that the past 16 years can be merely reduced to a single "pattern" of events founded on financial considerations. It holds a lot more meaning for me than that. I am sorry if that is all you see in it. I hope that perception will change. A single pattern would have made it all senseless and wasteful.

As for playing with emotions, my concern is to nurture it. It would be rather difficult to play with someone else's emotions when mine are in a painful mess.

I shall not belabor you with details of an excruciatingly humiliating experience- before and after it occured. I do not wish to be exposed to a more painful humiliation by disbelief thrown right in my face at a very low point. I do understand how you feel about your credibility and your credit standing. I am sorry I had none to give.

I must admit there are conditions good and bad that I can no longer change. The emotional cost of harmony is paralyzing, thus the need to relate becomes critical. I wish you a happy birthday and I want to say "I love you". It's one of those things I can never change.


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