Letter written to me: 2006

An angry response to my letter complaint: I edited some parts.


I know and understand one thing: I love you very much and I don't intend to change or destroy that. I have devoted so many years to bring true to this feeling without deviating one bit from this direction. It wasn't hard to accomplish because I only had to be true to my belief in my feelings for you.

I have exerted effort in spending more time with you even just to help you in the kitchen by coming home early. I am the GM of a large company where I need to meet clients, see store managers, negotiate with publishers, work with artists on midi-files, see through the problems in the sales and delivery operations, negotiate with the principals, and manage the office. Regardless of what comes up, I have to make it a point to leave by 5:00 PM each day. ______________________________________.
Far from it. All I am saying is that I have a lot riding on this function that I could be interpreted by the owners as nonchalant about my duties. Yet I operate on a shoestring budget.

On top of this I have to fulfill certain responsibilities to ______ where I am an officer, etc., etc.,....

The point of all these is that I am exerting effort to be at home with you. To say that you are a "shock absorber" is lamentable. I value your opinion since I look up to you as an equal. I tell you these things about the office to reach out and seek assistance. I need to be enlightened or be given a different perspective. If that is unduly using you as a "shock absorber", I am sorry. I am bothered that you take it that way. I won't do it again if that is the case.

I do not calculate the nice things I do for you nor is it rehearsed nor practiced to say that I am merely doing it to look good for something that I have to do that may upset you is unfair. You are dismissing all my feelings and actions as phony and insincere.

You were the one who insisted that my invitation was insincere and who believed it to be so. I had always sought your assistance in selling our product or to help promote it. I genuinely belive you can be of great contribution to our volume sales and I needed that expertise you have. But you were always reluctant to pursue it and questioned my sincerity instead as reverse psychology - casting aspersions on my intentions. The difficulty of performing my functions is being weighted on by the difficulty of having to prove my sincerity all the time.

Your insecurities are yours, and I can only do what I believe can alleviate it. As I told you before, tell me what else to do to get over these insecurities which you say I created all by myself.

I am still here mahal. It was you who always broke off, but I always returned. It was you who always intimated a desire to end the relationship - not I. Then again you will say "yeah so that I cannot be accused of the oe dumping you".
I cannot even bring myself to say these things but it comes easy for you.

Despite all these, I am still here. You may never believe in your lifetime that I love you truly and dearly - but I do.

I have accepted the fact that you will never accept this as true in my lifetime, yet, somehow, I still get hurt and taken aback whenever it happens.

I don't think you will ever get over your insecurities - but I am still hoping that someday you will finally agree with me that you are the love of my life. The great love - often referred to by countless authors and poets.


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